Did I ever tell you how I met Aya?
You’ll probably think it’s a strange way to meet anyone, to
be honest…but I think there’s a valuable lesson in it – especially if you have never
made a sale online.
See, growing up, I always thought getting married the
traditional Jordanian way was easy.
My dad told me when he turned 23, he came home from theUnited States…and his father said: “Either you get married or I will”. He listed
the names of 3 girls from the neighbourhood and asked my dad which one he
Dad asked one question: How did they score on the high school
Mum scored best. He picked her and they married.
When it was my time, I was visiting Jordan while on holiday from
Los Angeles. Dad said, “You don’t leave here until you find a wife.”
Then it took me 2 years to meet Aya.
In Jordan, when you marry, you’re not just marrying the
girl. Two families are marrying one another.
So my search began with my mother.
Each girl we were going to meet, I spent the day preparing
myself. Shaving, fixing my hair, picking out clothes, cleaning my shoes…
And everyone in the family had an opinion about how I should
dress. Sometimes they made me wear a suit (I don’t even do that for the most
formal of occasions).
And every time I went, I thought “this is it”.
But it wasn’t.
IF a girl happened to check out on paper, and fit my parents’
criteria…when I visited I’d find something wrong with her.
And on the rare occasion I actually was interested in a girl…
she was NOT interested in me.
Theoretically, with my credentials, girls should have been lining
Instead…everything that made me special was not in my
Being a native speaker of English and not very confident in
Arabic…to them I was just DUMB.
My line of work … no one even understood what I did. And in
Jordan, if you don’t understand something, then it’s no good.
My education … despite being Western-educated in the finest
universities, graduating with honours, and having SEVERAL degrees, coming from
an entire family of Doctorate holders… I myself was neither a doctor or engineer
and that’s all girls in Jordan want to marry.
I entered so many houses, I lost count.
My grandfather, when he saw us ready to make a house-call would
get dressed in his finest clothes, thinking he would accompany us to make the “official
request” which is traditional for the elder to do.
Every time we told him, “not yet grandpa.”
Until the poor man died..without being able to do the one
thing he most desperately wanted. To officially ask for his eldest grandson’s
bride from her father.
Anyway, all this searching and visiting didn’t go to waste.
You see, in the beginning, each house I walked into was “the
one”. Except it never was.
It was a serious blow to the self-esteem too.
For years, my friends and I who lived all our lives away
from where our parents grew up…we all thought it was easy. You walk in, pick
the best girl you want, and both she and her parents would kiss your feet to
take her from the miserably broke, backwards life they were in.
Finding out it wasn’t that easy…being rejected so many times…it
At a certain point I stopped expecting anything.
And I decided instead, that each girl I meet, every house I walk
into is just gonna be another chance to practice and sharpen my game. When the
time came and I met the right girl, I wanted to be sure I had all the skills I needed
to “get her”.
There’s a LOT of skill involved in getting a Middle Eastern
You’ve got to accomplish everything in a single meeting…where
you can’t even talk to her privately…and where you’ve got to impress her
parents who want a nice, polite, respectable gentleman…
While at the same time create enough attraction in a girl
who’s looking for a Knight in Shining Armour, fallen straight out of Arab TV shows.
So little by little, I began to learn.
I would expect nothing, except more experience.
Every house I walked into, my attitude was, “I’m just gonna
drink tea, eat some interesting dessert, see how people live…and pass an afternoon
checking out someone’s daughter for free.”
And pretty soon, I started picking up some serious skills.
Like how to flirt with a girl in a way so “under the radar” her
parents wouldn’t even recognize.
Like how to make her desperate to see me again…
Like how to take control and gain her respect.
Eventually, I would walk out of some houses where I didn’t
even want the girl…and she would look me up on Facebook, add me, and start
trying to talk to me behind her parent’s back.
I even started rocking up to meetings an hour or two LATE,
because I was hanging out with some OTHER girl I was further along with…
My bed-head hair tussled. Jeans torn. Gnarly t-shirts…unshaven
face…didn’t do a dang thing. And STILL got the girl.
And the more I seemed not to care …the more a girl wanted
Until one day, I heard about Aya.
I knew she was the one before I met her.
Everything I was told about her seemed right.
At this point, I had the whole game down to a science.
When we went to her house, I cleaned up nice…but kept just
enough bad-boy to get her interest.
I walked in, back-straight chin out, confident.
Before sitting down, I made sure I wasn’t going to be sunk
into no damn couch. Put a pillow behind me so she would see me sitting up whenever
Then she came.
When she walked into the room my heart skipped a beat.
She was beautiful. I had to have her.
But I had plenty of practice by this point. And I didn’t let
my actions betray my feelings. Not once did I address her directly. Instead, I made
small-talk with her mother and grandmother, laughed, and teased and played
around, aware she was watching.
Once in a while, I would sneak in eye-contact with Aya when
no one was paying attention…and when she looked back, I held her gaze until she
blushed and looked away.
I knew she wanted me back.
When we left the house, I told my mother: HER! I WANT HER!!
Mum couldn’t believe it. She had to ask me like 15 times if I
The phased approach for meetings was my idea. The first
meeting was just for me to take a look. The second meeting (if I was
interested) was to talk to the girl…and the third meeting…well that’s for me to
The second meeting, Aya was even prettier than I remembered.
This time, I told Mum to request that Aya and I to sit alone
When the family agreed, I flirted with Aya HARD. She still
remembers what I said to her word-for-word, even though I don’t!
Her family were shocked at how she was giggling and laughing
the whole time.
Finally, when i’d seen enough, I ended the conversation by
asking her if it would be ok with her if I got permission from her mother for
us to spend some time getting to know each other online.
This was a bold move on my part.
All “getting to know each other” meetings usually happen in
the presence of the two families. But I’m a western raised feller and that wasn’t
gonna fly for me.
I could tell she appreciated me asking her. I was
communicating that HER opinion matters to me…and I knew she’d like that.
When we rejoined the table, a few minutes later, I went
ahead and asked her mother loudly in front of everyone if it would be ok.
I think my mother-in-law was caught off-guard. She tried to
be coy… she was going to say no.
But before she had a chance to say anything more, Aya had
written her email on a piece of paper and passed it to me.
And the rest is history.
What’s the moral of the story?
Whether you’re selling yourself to someone you want to marry
or date…or applying for a job you desperately want…or you’re selling products online
You won’t succeed if you act desperate.
These are SALES skills you either have … or … you must get.
Don’t go in thinking it SHOULD be easy, and get frustrated
when it’s not.
Don’t go in thinking it SHOULD happen today, and get mad
that it’s taking a lot longer than you expected.
Don’t go in thinking every contact is a customer. Most are
That kind of pressure makes you seem desperate.
Let the sale come when it comes.
There’s no guarantee that every single contact will always
be the right person for what you’re selling. But what you can guarantee is that
every single lead is an opportunity for you to learn something.
And remember, it’s not THEY who give you the sale…it’s God.
When the time, the circumstance, and the person is right, it
Because when the sale REALLY counts…when you’re sitting with
the “big fish”…all those failed attempts aren’t failures at all. You were
learning to close the big one.
And that’s worth it.
P.S. The secret to getting lots of practice at selling is having a lot of LEADS to sell to every day. And you can learn to get an endless DAILY flow of traffic and leads in Traffic KickStart.
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